It’s been just over a month since I left my home in Sydney to move down to Melbourne by myself. I mainly moved down to Melbourne to do my Masters in Media and Communication, but also because I felt really sick of Sydney. I didn’t have many friends, didn’t want to get into full time work, so for the last 6 months since finishing undergrad, besides my casual job, I was just bumming around at home. I would wake up at 1pm and then go to bed at 3am. Now that I’m in Melbourne, I’ve tried to make a real conscious effort not to fall back into that unhealthy pattern, I couldn’t even if I wanted to, as my cat bothers me every couple of hours to go for a walk/ play. Anyway figured I might do a recap of everything that has happened over the last month!
I’m currently in my third week of University, and today, just submitted my first postgraduate assignment! I only have to do 2 units this semester, and I ended up choosing both the core units, which are focused on researching media and communication. The units are ridiculously boring. One of the units is kind of frustrating me because it’s quite easy, the assignment I just submitted was a annotated bibliography for 10 articles. Talking to other students, they’ve promised that the course does get harder. But at the moment I’m feeling a little disillusioned.
My University has a special department to organise events for postgraduate students, so I’m really trying to get involved with that. I’m currently working on my nomination to join the general executive (gotta get voted in) and have volunteered to help out for free lunches and general volunteering. I haven’t really joined any other clubs at uni, at my last uni, I found them really clique-y, and they always made me feel awful going into them.
Friends & Dating
During our orientation session I made friends with 3 girls, but have only really kept in contact with 2 of them. The 1 I lost contact with has just really disappointed me, she only contacts me when she wants to hang out, but otherwise reads and ignores my messages. I felt quite awful about. I’ve also really tried to make friends in my classes, it’s really difficult as my course has a really high proportion of International students who struggle to speak English. One of them told me that they initially felt intimidated speaking to me, cause they were embarrassed by their English. But then I feel intimidated speaking to them cause I can’t speak Mandarin! So it’s just a kind of shitty cycle, and being half-Chinese, just brings up all of this old angry and self-loathing over my Caucasian appearance and lack of Mandarin skills. I can’t help but feel if I looked more Asian and could at least speak my own language, life would be easier. But hey, one of those things is never going to change.
I’ve also been trying out this app called Bumble BFF.Bumble is a dating app but can double as a friend finder. I went out on two friend dates. One was with this really lovely girl, I love hanging out with her but she was chronic fatigue so most of the time we just text. The other girl was from England and she was fun to hang out with, but she spent most of the time talking about her old relationships, which made my single-never-dated butt feel a bit awkward cause I had little to contribute to the conversation. I’m currently chatting to a few other girls, and I hope to hang out with them soon!
The second week I was down here I tried using OkCupid, and it just wasn’t for me. I got heaps of super creepy messages. I had one date planned within the second day of using it, and gave the guy my phone number. He hadn’t even met me, but he was sending messages like “good morning beautiful”, “good night, I’ll dream of you” and creepy crap like that. Sure he thought it was romantic, but it just made my skin crawl, so I cancelled. I don’t know if it’s worth trying any other dating apps, Melbourne is filled with gorgeous guys, but I just feel so self-conscious, I don’t know if anyone would ever like me
I’ve really been trying to get into self-improvement the last month. I’ve picked up drawing again, as some of you who follow my Twitter can tell 😛 . I also signed up for sewing lessons, I did a beginners course with the Thread Den and made a case, toiletries bag and even a small carry bag. I’ve also signed up for a Beginners Japanese course starting on Monday (do it for the otome games), and will be picking up driving lessons again soon. I’m currently trying to find a piano teacher. I’ve dropped off my creative writing which has been a real shame, since I enjoyed it so much, I just got very frustrated by my own perfectionism and ambition, so gave up all together rather than risk failure.
I am struggling quite a bit living on my own. Expenses are awful, and I don’t want to be a burden on my parents so am trying to pay for everything myself, but that’s been digging into my savings. So I’ve been trying to find a part-time job which has been awful, and I might have to go back to retail work. I’ve been getting frustrated with cooking, I’ve never been good at it, and sometimes just eat god awful food just to have something to fill my stomach. It’s also quite hard living with my kitten, she’s very demanding and wakes me up every few hours when I sleep. She’s also been having some poop issues, meaning I’ve been cleaning up watery shit at 4am every morning.
That’s it for now! I really hope some of the things I’m struggling with at the moment turn around next month. But for the most part things have been alright. I’ll keep everyone updated 🙂